Truth Be Told.

Truth be told.

Happiness, fear, pain, anger, bliss, friendship, love, betrayal.

I feel it all.

And despite the act I can put on: My mask of strength. My costume of being unbreakable.

Truth be told.

I am.

I am breakable.And I have been broken.

I have learned to hold back. I have learned to put on a suit of armor and carry my head high despite feeling my lowest. I have learned that it is not ok to show people how deep it hurts me when I feel betrayed. I have learned that it is better to act as if nothing matters, even when everything does.

Why do I have this outlook?

Because I have learned it the hard way.

I don't think that the people who have hurt me the most... even really know it. I don't think they realize that even though I have forgiven them, I cannot forget. I don't think people know that it hurts me when they say bad things about me. I don't think that they know that deep down... I still care.

I am good at acting strong. I am strong.

But I also am weak, in many ways still.

I am still hurt by my best friend.
I am still hurt by the person I love.
I am still hurt by the friends I thought would always be there... and aren't.
I am still hurt by what bad things people have said about me.

But I don't show it.

I cant forget what it felt like.
I cant forget how easy it was for the most important people... to just walk away.

Sometimes I wonder how they cant see it.

It hurts me that it cant be how it used to be.

But truth be told.

It wont ever be.

I have learned to be strong. I have realized that people change, and that life long friendships... can be broken.

I guess its just still hard to remember "how it used to be". And not help but feel that is how it is "supposed to be".

But its not.

Because if it was supposed to be. They wouldn't have left. You wouldn't ever have felt used, hurt, or alone.

Truth be told..

My suit of armor really isn't as hard as stone.

Get Real.

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves.

Fake People.

Sadly, Utah has a little bit higher population of them then any where else I have been.
The worst part?

Figuring out that some of your friends are just that... Fake.

Example of being fake include:

1. Acting like they care about something your talking about and responding in that ear wrenching fake tone of voice... "ohhh thats so cool." or " ohh thats SO good for you."
2. Girls that hangout with you just to get close to your guy friends. The red flag? Once you stop providing them with males, they move on to another bff that can.
3. Girls that dont talk to you when they are around a different group of friends.
4. People that vent to you about how annoying they find someone, and then are buddy, buddy with them the next time you see that person. Just think what do they say about YOU behind your BACK?
5. Girls who ask you to hangout only when they need something... Like a place too party, etc.

This list could go on and on... Fortunately I dont have the patience to list every single example I can think of.

I just dont get it.
WHAT in the world makes these people think that being this way is ok?

Ya, a lot of people think I can be a bitch. And  a lot of people do not like me. I know that. But at least I speak my mind, and least  I dont act like I want to be friends with someone to their face and turn around and talk shit to their back.

Some of these people ask me why they cant find love, or why they cant keep a life long friendship.
My answer:

Because people can sense when your being genuine. People want reality. People fall in love with REAL people.

It doesnt matter if the real you is blunt and honest, or giving and caring. People want to see which ever type of person you really are.


They dont want you to act interested... If you dont give a shit.
They dont want you to be friends with them, so that you can find a boyfriend.
They dont want you to act like you have never talked to them when your with a "cooler" group of friends.
They dont want to wonder what you say to your other friends about them when they arent there.
They dont want you to talk to them just when you need something.

Crazzzzzzzy, huh?
Personally, I have learned that its better to invest in the people who stick around when you are at your worst. Then in the people you have to "try" to be your best around all the time.

I would rather have one true friend. That I know will be honest, genuine and real with me. One friend who I wont ever have to question. One friend who will never leave me, say bad things about me, or use me.  Then be caught dead having 25 fake friends who act like they care about me, but in reality could careless.


So strip down.
Stop hiding.

And get real.