Taking It Back.

Im scared.

This is my first blog.

My first time since high school opening up my heart to others and letting them see my raw self  spread out on the screen in front of them. You see... I used to pour it all out in words. Every single emotion, every single happy and sad feeling I felt... I would share it with the world. It was my therapy and it helped me feel free and powerful. Then Junior year of high school came, and it took from me the one thing that made me feel better. People began to label me, to joke about me, to pick on me. No one knew what I was going through, and no one cared. One person went as far as to make a joke post about me on Myspace... Mocking my words and my feelings. Another made a facebook page with my picture as the display. It was at that time that I saw how cruel people can be. Those who I had considered close friends... Turned their backs on me. All because I cared about something- and because I showed that I did. I had never been in the position where I was the one being mocked. Never had I not had friends, nor felt like I was alone until that time in my life. And that is when I stopped writting.

Since I was little, I always found a undescribable comfort when I sat down at a computer and let my feelings flow into words on the screen. I was never good at saying or decribing how I felt-Until I had a keyboard infront of me. Its an magical connection I have always felt. And always loved.

Obviously, I have moved on from that year of high school. I went on to have an amazing senior year- Regain many of the friends that I had lost. And learn to keep my feelings in-check and not share them with the whole world. Graduated. Went off to college, travelled to Israel and Europe. And right now I am here in California, alone, independent, confident and a lot stronger then I was Junior year of high school. But I am still scared. Scared to post this... and once again allow people to read about how I feel, and to let them see this part of me again. I was so hurt and scarred by that year of high school- that in this moment two and a half years later I am still sitting here thinking "should I post this... or should I not?" But, in the back of my head I know that if I dont...if I give up writting again... I loose a battle within myself. I know who I am now, and I know where I want to be in my life. And I am doing more with my life then that boy who made that Myspace post about me or that facebook page... two years back. And here I am. I am ready to let myself write whatever I want again. And I know now... the people that matter to me, WILL NOT label me as over emotional or dramatic, and will appreciate my opinion and my passion when I share myself through this blog. So here I go. This is the first of many more to come. And this is me... taking back something that I love, and showing myself that what I feel and what I have to say... does matter.