The ladder.

Life. What a short word for something so complicated and meaningful. Four letters put together to form the

one word that defys each and everyone of us as human beings. Each and every animal, plant, and cell. A

word so powerful that there are hundreds of religions dedicated to explain the meaning of it. But what does this word actually mean? To a priest it may mean living a life of purity, to a starving child it may mean a piece of bread for dinner, to a cancer patient it may mean finding a cure. What does life mean to you? Another fact about life is that it does not slow down and wait for you to be ready for it. It has no boundaries and it has no limit. It takes you on a roller coaster of happiness, sadness, love, loneliness, friendship and betrayal. And along the way it forces you to realize what the word "life" means to you.

This night has forced me to take a good look at my own life. I am here alone on Christmas Eve. I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself and trying to distract myself from my unbearable loneliness. As the day turned into night and I resorted to looking through old pictures to entertain myself. As I sat there looking at the past, I realized how much I have changed in the last few years. As I  looked at myself two years back I realized how little I knew about life back then, how little I appreciated, and how caught up in insignificant things I was. Life has changed me. Through my own roller coaster of heartbreak, happiness and lessons learned; I have become someone else. Not that I am saying that, I don't miss being young and naive. Everyone misses the days when work, and paying bills seemed like a century away. However, I now see how little I knew about what I wanted out of life. I also realized that I did not learn what I wanted, by taking the easy path. I had to loose a few "best friends", cry, fight, loose, and let go. But in the long run... life brought me here. Here I am. I have travelled to 12 different countries, I have met and made friends with people from all around the world, I have discovered what career I want, I have moved away from home and established myself in a unfamiliar place, I have learned to respect myself and stick to my boundaries, and I have learned who matters and who doesn't. Looking back I would not change one thing. I am happy were I am right now. I am happy that I know that I can handling being alone this Christmas Eve. It is one more reminder of how strong I can be.

In each of us is life. And in each of us is the choice to make it a life worth living. Our own strenght and will power is the only limit to how far we can go. I heard a quote the other day that is very significant, "the only guarantee in life. Is a life worth dying for."  Life is a funny thing. It drives people to do very interesting, wonderful, and even terrifying things. And as much as life is unpredictable and rough, we have the choice to realize that each moment is significant. The good lessons are just as important as the bad lessons. And the moments that you feel like you cant do it anymore are the moments were you gain the most strenght. That is what life means to me. What does life mean to you?

 Here a look back:

Mirror Image.

Comparisons.
Who has the best car? Who has the best clothes? Who has the best body? Who has the prettiest face?
Why is she so much better then me?
I thought I left that back in high school.

Too bad theres always that one person. The one that you look at with envy. Sometimes they are your best friend. Other times they are your worst enemy.

Either way... it eats us up inside.

Jealousy

A constant reminder that I wont ever be as good as her.
Why  not?
Why does everyone like her more?
What did I do wrong?

I am screaming in my head.
STOP.

but I cant... Its uncontrollable.

My heart tightens, my throat closes, my head pounds.
But then I remember...

I have a purpose. I have a light. I have a voice. I have strength. I have power.
And thats what matters.
I will never be her.

But I have the choice to be someone even better.

I have the ability to change someones life. I have the chance to learn, travel, and influence the world.
I have my own light. One that cannot be compared to any one elses.

HaPpy HaLlOwEeN!!!

This year it was quite the success. It was very different then any other Halloween I had ever had before.

But I guess that's what happens where your 800 miles from home! I dressed up as a black cat and went out

with the NSE students.... whom have become my best friends here. BUT... I must add that celebrating this

holiday with out my closest friends was very hard. I couldn't believe that last year I was at the HOWL with

Rach, Aubri, Kylo, and Kels. This was my first Halloween with out those girls by my side dancing the night

soberly away. I remember two years ago. WOW. I dressed up as a sailor and we went to a super lame

dance party at the capital... they kept all the lights on and it was super awkward. But my friends know how

to make any thing fun. We danced the night away using the awkwardness to add to the fun. These are the

little things I miss the most. Sadly I found out bad news this Halloween from my family... about my dads

job and such. And the first people I called were my friends. That's when I realized even though they are not

here with me. They are still here for me. I love you guys!!! Forever & Always!