Paper Towels

Life changing moments. They are hard to come by this day and age. We are all so consumed with work, school, money, clothes, OURSELVES that we fail to notice those little moments that remind us about what and who truly matters. Today in between my hectic last minute studying, facebook stalking, and mindless internet browsing I remembered one of those moments. I felt the need to share the story with everyone who cares enough to follow what random topics come to my mind. Ok so here's is how the story begins.... Let me warn you it starts out pretty shallow and gruesome; but there is a deeper point to it... I promise! Any way back to the beginning. It starts out with my psychology counselor giving me advice that I need to have volunteer hours on my resume in order for grad schools to even consider me. "Shit." was the only word that came to my mind... "I don't want to spend my "could be sleeping" time doing some kind of labor for someone else and not even getting paid!!" I whined to my parents that evening. "Just give it a chance... maybe you will get something from it" my mom said to me. I just rolled my eyes and pouted the rest of the night. Ok Ok... Ill fast forward all the minor details and go straight to were I ended up volunteering. I got assigned to South  Valley School in Taylorsville UT. Its a school that children who have disabilities can go to after high school. I was given a student named Jamie to work with. Jamie was a year older then me 19 ( I was 18 at the time.) She did not have any major disorder; nevertheless, Jamie had never learned how to read or write... Literally. We started out reading books that were on the k-2nd grade reading level. One book would take nearly an hour to get through. Jamie would never give up. She would sound out each letter to each word... and then look at me for assurance that she was doing it right. She worked so hard for it. It startled me how happy she would be after she read the word "wolf" right... or when she spelled "white" all on her own. I began looking forward to every Tuesday and Thursday so I could see how much improvement Jamie had made the previous week. Sadly winter break came and I got the amazing opportunity to go to Israel. I had to cancel four weeks of working with Jamie. When I came back... All of the progress that we had made was gone. We were back to square one. I was so frustrated and upset after seeing that no one had worked with Jamie those four weeks; I seriously just wanted to give up. I told her to copy down a few sentences from the book we were reading... then went off to the bathroom to calm down. I stood there looking in the mirror wondering "Is this worth it?".  All that work and effort... for what? I washed my hands in the sink as a young downs syndrome girl came out of the bathroom. I grabbed the paper towel to dry my hands off... still frustrated and discouraged. I didn't even notice her watching me... I was so caught up in the moment. I was feeling sorry for myself. I went to throw away the paper towel and missed the trash can. I shrugged my shoulders and turned back to the mirror to take one last look at my self before I went back out to check on Jamie. As I was looking at the mirror I saw in the reflection behind me the girl bend down and pick up my paper towel that I had carelessly left laying on the floor and throw it away. Then she stood up and smiled at me and walked out of the bathroom. Needless to say... I stood there looking at myself in the mirror. But in such a different way then I had just a minute before. I was ashamed of myself. I was disgusted that I had become that kind of person. Think about it... Brighton High School, everyone is upper middlee class, functional, and healthy... and not one student would bend down and pick up someone elses garbage off of the floor of the school. No one cared. And here was this girl... with downs syndrome. She would never have everything that I or any one from my graduating class has. Yet, she cared. She wanted to be here. She loved school and the chance to learn. She KNEW that there were people that didn't give up on her at this place. And she appreciated it. I stood there and realized that this paper towel hitting the ground had changed my life forever. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and promised I would never ever take for granted what I am so lucky to have. I hung my head and walked out to face Jamie. I sat down and I gave her every single piece of my attention and my entire heart... and we read on. Life changing moments.

Choices.

Choices. There are to many of those in life. Good choices, bad choices, right choices, wrong choices, large choices, small choices, easy choices, hard choices and of course life changing choices. Honestly... every thing that happens to us is based on past or present choices. Some of us end up in jail because we made a wrong choices. Others of us end up running multi-million dollar company's; all because we made the "right choices"... or so everyone says. OK now... here's the problem. What really is the "right choice"? Frankly, I have no idea. Right now is such a strange period in our lives. We are stuck in transition; no longer children or teenagers... but not yet adults. And yet, we are faced with some of the biggest choices we will ever have to make. Some of us are looking for adventure and travel, some for love, others for grad schools. We are setting up the frame work for our futures. Damn. Reality hits hard. Two years ago I never pictured my life to be how it is right now. Two years ago I was a completely different person. Who were you two years ago? What choices did you make that brought you here today? Are you happy? And what choices are you going to make right now? Think about two years from now. It seems so close.... and it is. But so much can change in that short time. This is my written contract that I am going to make the choice to live my life according to my own standards, rules and expectations. I also have a few goals that I want to accomplish in these up coming two years.
1. Go to a less privileged country and do humanitarian work.
2. Learn to appreciate the life I have been blessed with.
3. Attend cochella.
4. Raise and donate money to a orphanage in a another country.
5. Be someones best friend, when no one else will.
6. Run a half-marathon.
7. Greek Islands, Spain, and Italy
8. Make friends with someone completely different then me.
9. Volunteer more
10. Let go
11. Get into a PSY D graduate program
12. Start writing a book
13. Become a better person
14. Smile even when my day sucks
15. Forgive.... and actually FORGET. (I'm bad at that)
16. Buy a car on my own.
17. Sky diving....
18. Stick to this LIST
19. Fall in love with something
Now... these are some choices I hope to make in the next two year. And I know each and every one of these choices will influence my life and change me once again into someone else. Now its your turn... make a list of choices that you want to make in the next two years. Think about the person who you hope to be... and think about the choices you have to make in order to be there.
Good luck!!!
xoxo
Sanj
p.s. The "right choice".... isn't always the best choice.