Reflection.

Cold wet grass.

Empty swing set.

Grey skies.

Perfect reflection of what we all became.

The past.

I would go back, tell myself, warn myself.

This wont last.

Sunshine and laughter.

Natural bliss.

Childhood innocence.

Love.

Cherish.

Remember this.

Happiness.

Playing.

Nothing else.

Friendship-didnt matter who you are.

Nerds with Jocks. Pot heads and Goths.

We didn’t care.

It didn’t matter.

Do you remember?

The past.

I would tell myself.

Remember your best friend.

I never thought we wouldn’t talk.

Boys and crushes.

Who likes who.

Love letters.

Now just another number.

We stopped caring.

And this is growing up?

Lost & Found

Lately I have been thinking about something that usually never crosses my mind. That something is religion, standards, and beliefs. Everyone that knows me... Knows that my family comes from a 100% Jewish blood line. Nevertheless, my parents choose to raise me and my brother in a very liberal non-religious house hold. As a child I always celebrated all the Jewish holidays, but was never denied a Christmas tree or chocolate on Easter. I always felt so lucky to have the chance to get to celebrate every single holiday. Winter holidays were the ALWAYS the best. I would get Hanukah gelt, Christmas presents, and New Years gifts too! In my world everything seemed perfect. I never realized how confused I had become on what these occasions actually meant. It was not until I entered middle school, that I realized how different I was then everyone else. I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah.... Probably one of the most religious states in America. It felt like everyone else had something to believe in. I always felt like I did not belong. It was hard to relate to everyone that had those beliefs in common. I remember trying to conform, trying to find my place. It was hard and I felt very conflicted about everything that I had been taught. I experimented... trying to find my place among my friends; one year I was the goody-good girl, the next I was drinking and hanging out with the stoners. I did not know what I believed, or what my standards were. Anger towards my parents grew and grew... WHY did they put me in this situation? Why didn’t they help me discover what to believe? Why does everyone know what they have faith in and I don’t? These questions swam through my head for years. I never understood who I was, were I fit in, or what I believed. It wasn’t until last December that I really understood my purpose here. Last December I got to go to Israel on a trip called Birthright, it is a trip for Jewish teenagers to experience the "homeland". In fourteen days all of my unanswered questions were answered. And for the first time ever I finally felt like I had found were I belong. I am not saying I became some religious person in two weeks. I still don’t believe any religion is right or wrong. I am only saying that I discovered who I am and where I come from. Being there among the people of Israel made me feel so much pride. There I saw people that were so passionate, so happy, and so dedicated to this tiny strip of land... to this beautiful country. Most importantly, I felt how much these people loved Israel and were proud to be Jewish. It was amazing to see how the Israeli people are so alive... in a country so full of death. For the first time I felt so proud of my heritage were I come from and what Jewish people had to go through in the past. I realized what I believe and what my standards in life are. I realized that I do have faith. Like I said before.... I am still not a religious person. But I do believe in purpose. I will not say if I think there is a god or isn’t a god. Frankly, I don’t know. However, I do believe that each person is here to do something. To touch someone else, to make mistakes, to learn, to live, and to decide for themselves what they believe. I believe I am here to change lives, to help other people, and to share what I have learned with others. I am so lucky to have had the chance to meet people from all around the world from different religions, different countries, states, and back grounds. And I must say I have learned something from every single person I have met. The chance to meet all of these amazing people has taught me that there is not one "right" religion. There is truth and beauty to each one. And most importantly if your religion makes you happy, makes you a better person, and gives you a reason to be your best, then it is the right religion for you. My own religion is living my life by my own standards. I cannot identify with any one faith... but I can say that I am happy to get to experience every single one, and take what I think is best from each.... and apply it to my own life. I run my own life. And I live by what I think is best for myself. I do not have any regrets and I am opened to every theory and possibility. I don’t feel constricted or unspiritual. I feel like I have figured out my own reality, my own religion, and my own path. And I finally understand why my parents raised me the way that they did. I understand now that they did not want me to look at life or the world through only one set of eyes. And for that I am thankful for that.

Some Pictures from Beautiful Israel:

You Got a Friend in Me

Its been a far to long time since I have had the chance to write. And in that time I have remembered a very special and important topic that I have yet to cover here on my blog. A topic that we can all relate to in some way. What is this topic? Friendship. Friendship is something that each of us experiences in some way throughout our life time. Either with our next door neighbor, pet, sibling, childhood friend, stuffed animal or college roommate. Friendship is a love so powerful that it can compete with almost any other type of love. We always turn to our friends in times of heartbreak, in time of happiness, and in times of confusion. And we learn that true friends are always there for us through the bad and the good times. I am very lucky to have a group of friends that has been my soild foundation for many years. They have held me through my darkest moments, and laughed with me through my greatest. This group of girls has inspired me to be a better person, to open my eyes, and to love unconditionaly. Each of them has changed my life in unexplainable ways. These types of people are hard to find in this world, and for me to be able to call them my friends... that makes me feel so blessed. I aspire to be like each of them in some way. I want to take a moment and let them know why I look up to them and love them so much.

Aubri Poulsen- I dont even know were to start. There are so many things I admire about you. You are the type of person who walks into a room and automatically the room becomes a better place to be in. You know how to make everyone feel special and important, and never judged or not good enough. Beauty comes from you...not only from the outside but more importantly from the inside.

Rachel Henriksen- You have been there for me through every single road bump. You always know what to say and you have the ability to hug a person and make them feel like everything is going to be ok. People like you are so rare. You are confident, smart and beautiful yet you will be a friend to anyone. You represent all of the things that I want to become, and I strive to have the type of presence you have in my life, and in many other peoples. You touch people... with your words and with your love.

Kylee Nielsen- My most passionate friend. I love that about you. You represent everything that life is about. You love with every bone in your body. I never have to doubt that no matter what you will be there for me. You are such a forgiving, kind, and loving person. You give everything that you have to the people that you love. This is such an rare thing to find in this world these days. Dont ever let the fire die. I love seeing that spark in your beautiful blue eyes.

Becca Roylance- Becs, you can bring logic and calm to any situation. You always remind me that I dont need to be so caught up in the negative. Because of you I have realized that I have the choice to look at every single situation in either a postive or negative light. You have shown me that being happy is easy... if you live your life according to a postive out look. Thank you for that.

Angie Fishler- Wow. We have been through.... well everything would be a understatement. I have experianced so many firsts with you. I think that the greatest lessons that I have learned have come from our friendship. I am the person that I am, because of our friendship. I will always remember us as little 12 year olds jumping on the wet tramp in socks, listening to one year six months, getting our first kisses, laughing so hard that we would cry (over nothing). You were the first person that showed me true friendship and unconditional love. Through all the good and bad things that we have been through... You will always hold an unreplaceable place in my heart.

These are a few of my best friends. They are all the most amazing people that I have in my life. Each of them has been a source of enlightenment and taught me so many lessons. I strive to hold the qualities that theses girls have, and I love and respect each of them in ways that they will never know. I hope that they realize how much they mean to me... and that I will carry their friendships with my through out my entire life. <3