Lost & Found

Lately I have been thinking about something that usually never crosses my mind. That something is religion, standards, and beliefs. Everyone that knows me... Knows that my family comes from a 100% Jewish blood line. Nevertheless, my parents choose to raise me and my brother in a very liberal non-religious house hold. As a child I always celebrated all the Jewish holidays, but was never denied a Christmas tree or chocolate on Easter. I always felt so lucky to have the chance to get to celebrate every single holiday. Winter holidays were the ALWAYS the best. I would get Hanukah gelt, Christmas presents, and New Years gifts too! In my world everything seemed perfect. I never realized how confused I had become on what these occasions actually meant. It was not until I entered middle school, that I realized how different I was then everyone else. I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah.... Probably one of the most religious states in America. It felt like everyone else had something to believe in. I always felt like I did not belong. It was hard to relate to everyone that had those beliefs in common. I remember trying to conform, trying to find my place. It was hard and I felt very conflicted about everything that I had been taught. I experimented... trying to find my place among my friends; one year I was the goody-good girl, the next I was drinking and hanging out with the stoners. I did not know what I believed, or what my standards were. Anger towards my parents grew and grew... WHY did they put me in this situation? Why didn’t they help me discover what to believe? Why does everyone know what they have faith in and I don’t? These questions swam through my head for years. I never understood who I was, were I fit in, or what I believed. It wasn’t until last December that I really understood my purpose here. Last December I got to go to Israel on a trip called Birthright, it is a trip for Jewish teenagers to experience the "homeland". In fourteen days all of my unanswered questions were answered. And for the first time ever I finally felt like I had found were I belong. I am not saying I became some religious person in two weeks. I still don’t believe any religion is right or wrong. I am only saying that I discovered who I am and where I come from. Being there among the people of Israel made me feel so much pride. There I saw people that were so passionate, so happy, and so dedicated to this tiny strip of land... to this beautiful country. Most importantly, I felt how much these people loved Israel and were proud to be Jewish. It was amazing to see how the Israeli people are so alive... in a country so full of death. For the first time I felt so proud of my heritage were I come from and what Jewish people had to go through in the past. I realized what I believe and what my standards in life are. I realized that I do have faith. Like I said before.... I am still not a religious person. But I do believe in purpose. I will not say if I think there is a god or isn’t a god. Frankly, I don’t know. However, I do believe that each person is here to do something. To touch someone else, to make mistakes, to learn, to live, and to decide for themselves what they believe. I believe I am here to change lives, to help other people, and to share what I have learned with others. I am so lucky to have had the chance to meet people from all around the world from different religions, different countries, states, and back grounds. And I must say I have learned something from every single person I have met. The chance to meet all of these amazing people has taught me that there is not one "right" religion. There is truth and beauty to each one. And most importantly if your religion makes you happy, makes you a better person, and gives you a reason to be your best, then it is the right religion for you. My own religion is living my life by my own standards. I cannot identify with any one faith... but I can say that I am happy to get to experience every single one, and take what I think is best from each.... and apply it to my own life. I run my own life. And I live by what I think is best for myself. I do not have any regrets and I am opened to every theory and possibility. I don’t feel constricted or unspiritual. I feel like I have figured out my own reality, my own religion, and my own path. And I finally understand why my parents raised me the way that they did. I understand now that they did not want me to look at life or the world through only one set of eyes. And for that I am thankful for that.

Some Pictures from Beautiful Israel: