Regret.

Remember when we were free?

Moments together felt endless

Everlasting love

Our friendship had no limit

Raw, young, naive.

Sometimes I sit and wonder, 

How did things end up this way?

Dont you remember?

How we used to spend each day.

Together we were perfect,

No one could compare.

Memories so empty,

like they were never there.

I keep staring into my reflection, 

Wishing you were here.

All I see are stone cold stares,

Coming from your empty eyes.

Forgotten.

Or, never even there.

Did it even happen?

It just doesn't seem fair.

You walked away from everything,

You didn't even care.

But I must look past you, 

And dare myself to trust.

Someone will soon come by, 

and teach me how to love.

Till then my heart is done,

Longing for the past.

I will move on and grow stronger, 

Ill take a second chance.

I hope one day you remember, 

The moments that we shared.

Someday you'll sit there wishing, 

Our friendship was still there.

Its easy to walk away,

Instead of standing up to fight.

Time makes us stronger,

Like photographs-pain fades.

One day you will regret, 

the choices that you made. 

Life constantly reminds us, 

Friendship isn't easy-nothing ever is.

But, to walk away like it ment nothing.

Well that was quite the statement,

That you made. 

Lets hope you weren't mistaken.

Once something has been damaged, 

It cant always be replaced. 

Forgiveness isn't promised, 

And, regret can linger on.

Autumn

How much do I love Fall? ....

Lets just say.... 

Enough to want to name my future child (far away future) 

Autumn Grace ______ 

or

Autumn Marie ______

Hey, I am a girl... Its normal. 

Right?

Claim to the name!!! 

<3 

Masked.

I have learned that things aren't always what the appear.

Sometimes realizing this is hard...

I have realized just because something seems good, doesn't mean that it is.

Just because your beautiful, doesn't mean your a beautiful person.

You think you are in love with someone, when you really just need to love yourself.

Wanting something so bad it hurts, only means that you are forgetting to appreciate what you have.

Longing for the past, holds you back from the future.

Giving in, isn't any different then giving up.

Friendships that are supposed to last a life time, can end in a day.

Hurt, eventually fades.

Success, is not happiness

Unbreakable people, can bend.

Love, can change.

Most importantly, I learned, that no matter how much you think your doing everything right, you probably have made mistakes.

And....

Mistakes, are not always bad.

Sometimes it feels like we are taking a path that is leading us no where. Its scary, and doubt constantly creeps into our minds.

"Is this REALLY what I want?", "Am I going to do something meaningful?", "Why is everyone around me so pretty...?", "What is the purpose?".

Questions, choices, mistakes, lessons, growth.

Taken together- we slowly begin to see situations for what they really are. We are forced into the  realization that bad things can turn into good, and even that good things can turn into bad.

I have realized a lot, and have seen situations, people, and friendships change.

Some of those changes hurt, other felt amazing... But most importantly they made me look at my life and my future with a better perspective.

The perspective that each moment...

I feel like I am loosing-a week later I can be winning.

Each time my heart breaks-someone else will make it whole again.

Friends that walk away-will be replaced with better ones.

Hurt- will turn into strength.

Letting go of the past-will open up a better future.

Yes, things aren't always what the appear...

Diagnosis

A little girl; with no hair for her mommy to braid.

A 25 year old man; no promise of a future.

A 80 year old grandma; hopeless fear & pain in her desperate grasp

Cancer-does not discriminate.

Each one of us has been touched by the effects of this unmerciful disease.

It might have been your best friends mother, a neighbor, god forbid- your child, grandmother, aunt or uncle, or even YOU.

100% of us have felt the impact and fear that comes with the diagnosis. Directly or not...it hurts.

As those of you who follow my blog know... I lost my grandmother to this disease two months ago.

There are still nights that I lay awake crying. Moments when I pick up the phone to call her for advice. Picture her laugh and smile. Crave to hold her hand in mine. There are times when the weight of missing her literally HURTS my heart and burns my throat.

I want nothing more then to hold her one last time... and tell her I love her, and that I strive to be the type of woman that she was.

The beauty of my grandmother was that she NEVER complained, never asked for pity, never spoke a negative word.

After her radiation and chemo treatment she would come back to the nursing home frail and quivering.

She would say, "I am not a tragedy. I lived a long and beautiful life, raised an amazing family, loved and travelled... A true tragedy is the 26 year old woman who was in the waiting room with two children and a scarf on her head... She has a life too live, a family to feed, and memories to make. I have done those things. I am not afraid to die. She has just began to live."

Like I said before, cancer does not discriminate.

It does not care if your 5 years old, just finished college, or have a family.

Each day, millions of people hear the words "you have cancer"

Each day, millions of people loose their battle

Each day, survivors live with the scars.

But... more importantly we need to remember.

Each day, we fight for a cure

Each day, we live like it is our last

Each day, we do something GOOD

....

Is a day that brings beauty into life, and gives those millions of "fighters" something worth fighting for.

1 out of 3 people develops cancer. 1 out of 5 people dies because of it.

You or I, could fall into those statistic.

The reality of that fact- is undeniable, scary, painful, and wrenching.

But it is a reality.

Even if you are not part of that statistic, even if you havent been affect, even if you dont believe in what I believe in- PLEASE try to remember...

Someone, somewhere, just lost their life... It could have been a child, a mother or a father, grandmother.

Regardless of who it was.

Remember that: YOU are still here.

You have been blessed with the beauty of health, the chance to live your life, and the ability to love....

Do something that makes life matter. Live your life to your fullest potential... For the ones who lost theirs.

Dont ever stop fighting. Dont ever give up. Dont ever stop counting your blessings.

Because a few bad test results, doctors visits, and three simple words... Can change everything.

In a moment you could be gone.

Make it count.

xoxo

RIP
Steve Jobs

&

I love and miss you Grandma... Every night I lay there and picture moments with you.... Ill never forget.