Reality.

I had a few reality checks in the last few weeks.

Each one was eye opening, some in a good way... others not so much.

The first, unfortunately, was a reoccurring reality check. You think I would have learned from previous situations....

This reality check made me ask myself the question that none of us want to ask, "how the hell are you so stupid, Sandra?! Didn't you learn anything?".

You would think that I have learned that relationships are a TWO way street. I seemed to have thought I mastered this concept also... Guess not.

Someone comes into your life that makes you forget all that wisdom you have gained from previous relationships (gone bad)... and somehow you find yourself obsessing over the SAME situation, just with another person.

It hit me the last few weeks: No matter HOW bad you want someone in your life. They will only be there if they WANT to be there, just AS BAD or MORE then you want them there.

You can force it. You cant wish for it. You cant change it.

You just have to accept it, and move on.

If they aren't fighting to be with you, you shouldn't be fighting to be with them. End of story.

You are much better off fighting for the people that are putting in a effort to be apart of your life, and doing whatever it takes; for you to be apart of theirs. They are the ones who truly LOVE and care about you.

Thank god; I got hit with that one... (again)

Second, I remembered how important health is.

It is true, if you don't have health... you don't have ANYTHING.

Watching my mom go through heart surgery, and get a pace maker.

And, seeing how much the dynamic of my family has changed in the last year; all due to health issues, really opened my eyes to how important it is to take care of yourself.

Cancer, heart disease, anxiety attacks... All of these things can be either prevented or the risks could be reduced, just by taking better care of our bodies.

Exercising, eating healthy, relaxing, catching up on sleep.... Essential things, that seem to take a back burner to stress, fast food, and unhealthy habits.

Watching my family go from perfect... to a completely disorganized, depressed, mess... was not what I was expecting, to happen... just because of health issues.

Even though it has been the hardest year of my life, I have learned a very crucial lesson from all of this.

Appreciate my body, appreciate my soul, appreciate time to relax.

This reality check was the hardest one... But it was defiantly needed.

Third, I  was forced to remember that I have a limit.

I always bite off more then I can chew, because I want to push myself to be a better person.

This unfortunately has come with many negative consequences.

Instead of giving my all to something, I can only give it partial attention, because I have SO many other things going on.

I realized that I need to take a step back. And re-evaluate what I am capable of handling.

Just because I cant do EVERYTHING... Doesn't mean that I am failing. I needed to realize that.

I try so hard to be perfect, and to do everything that I can to make sure that I live my life according to my highest expectations.

I never thought I would fail because I was expecting SO much out of myself. I cracked under my own pressure.

This reality check taught me that I need to: Take a step back, inhale... exhale, and handle ONE thing at a time...

Quality is better then quantity. And I haven't been doing quality work, because I have been doing a quantity of it.

This reality check was a blessing in disguise.

Needless to say, this last month has not been smooth sailing.

It has been one challenge, followed by another.

But, somehow I have survived.

Yes, there have been sleepless nights, tears, constant looking at my cell phone (waiting for a text or a call that never came), neck cramps due to stress, hospital visits, and fights.

However, I have learned and grown from each of these things. I have been forced to re-evaluate many things in my life, and been brought down to a more realistic perspective.

So thank you. Thank you LIFE for challenging me... and thank you for making me realize what is-and what is not important.

Thank you for bringing me back to reality.

Take a moment, take a breathe, stop.... and think.

xoxo