Bigger Picture.

"If you love someone let them go. If they return they were always yours... If they don't, they never were."

I walked away. He walked away. 

But somehow we always find our way back to each other. 

Sometimes its scares me...

We have been through so much together. Nothing has been able to tear us apart. 

Both of us have hurt each other, both of us have turned our backs, both of us have fought for love, and both of us have felt its power. 

He is my best friend, my first love, my everything....

But sometimes I worry that we hold each other back. Sometimes I question things. Sometimes I think about  what else my life has in store for me.

Will he always be there? 

If not... Will I be ok? Will he? 

Can I love someone else? Can he love someone else? What would that feel like? 

Questions... Unanswered. Thoughts...  Often consume me. 

What direction do I want my life to go? 

I wonder and fear the answers to these questions. 

Love like this is rare. The passion, the pain, the roller coster ride that we have made it through... It was the hardest but most rewarding relationship I will ever have.

I never questioned it.... Until I moved away. 

Leaving opened up my eyes to how much more life has in store for me..for him. 

Life threw me into situations were I began to see the bigger picture of things. Love isn't always enough. 

We need to grow up. We need to learn. We need to live.

And it has to happen separately

If it is supposed to be, it will be.

I would rather live my life never having to ask the question "what if"... 

And sometimes I find myself wondering "what if"...

I met him later on in life?

We didn't come back to each other one time?

I lost him?

I end up bitter? 

Its just security?

I don't know sometimes.... 

But I do know I loved him in a way I won't ever love anyone else. I know I mean the world to him.... 

I know I won't ever forget him, stop loving him, or have what we have ever again.  

I also know that we both need to grow and find our direction in life with out each other.... And hope that in the end our paths lead us back. 

No more questions. Just answers. 

The first one.... 

I love you.