Trouble with me is.

Holding on,

I tend to do it quite often...

relationships, friendships, forgiveness, anger, hurt, love, and disagreement... I have trouble letting things go.

WHY do I still spend nearly every single night in tears before I go to sleep crying... wishing my grandma was still here?

Most people would have found closure.

WHY do I still hold onto the moments I spent with my old friends... Even though they have made no effort to be in my life?

Most people would never even give them a second thought.

WHY do I obsess over someone, when they clearly dont care about me?

Most people would not waste their time.

WHY cant I trust the people that have hurt me, even though they have proved they have changed?

Most people know how to forget.

WHY is it so hard for me to walk away from a fight?

Most people dont believe it is worth the cost.

I realized something very important about myself...

I care about things much more then most people do, it is harder for me to let go of little things. When I fall for someone-I fall hard, when I say that "I love you" I mean it. My friends mean the world to me, and I am very bad at accepting things.

Some of these things are good... some are bad.

However, each one of these characteristics shapes me into the person that I am.

It is VERY hard for me to open up.

 I fall hard... But, I do not fall easy.

There have only been a small number of people in my life that have made HUGE impacts on me.

Some of them in a positive way, some in a negative way...

Either way... I finally have learned to accept this about myself.

I might be considered a "drama queen", "bitch",  "grudge holder".... etc.

But, at least I give a fuck.

At least I care enough about life, people, and things to really FEEL something.

Sometimes, I stand in my own way, and sometimes my emotions get ahead of me....

Yes... I hold on to things, I can be dramatic, I care way too much, I fight even if there is no point in fighting.

But, I wont ever walk away from the people I love... I wont ever give up, I will always be there, and I will always care....

Its hard to find this in people these days,

For the first time in my life... I am proud of myself for being who I am.

Yes. I give a shit... and yes I am a emotional, dramatic, opinionated, honest, loving, caring, bitch that will always love you and will always be there for you... Even if I secretly am still mad at you for something you did three years ago.

And I am proud of it.