Perspective.

I have been having a inner struggle the last few months. Ever since moving home I have felt a range of emotions from the highest of highs.... to the lowest of lows.

There are days when I miss my life in California SO much that it literally hurts.

I miss coming home to Ashley every night and telling her every single thing about my day and being excited to hear about hers.

I miss calling Leanna and making her go to the gym with me and then grabbing dinner at Panera.

I miss Danny and his Ed Hardy t-shirts....saying super inappropriate things.

I miss going to New Port and always feeling welcomed and loved by Carly, Lisa, Christan and Steven.

Its been really hard for me to come back and realize how much I have changed, and how hard it is for me now to relate to some of my BEST friends.

Its hard for me to sit with them and talk about marriage and planning a wedding. When I am looking forward to turning 21 and partying my butt off.

Its hard for me to to want to do something and not know who to call.

Its hard when something stupid happens and I want to tell someone before I go to bed..... But I cant.

Its hard to come home every single day and see my family falling apart because my grandma has cancer.

Its hard to realize that I feel like I cant relate to the people I love the most.

But the last week has brought me many lessons.

A beautiful young girl named Kristen passed away this week. I had met Kristen over my last year in California on a trip to New Port.

She was best friends with Lisa and Carly.

She seemed happy, healthy, strong, and was beyond beautiful. We went to dinner and we laughed and talked. I never would have even guessed that she was fighting for her life.

Her attitude, her personality, her passion. LIFE was shinning in her eyes.
That night I overheard her mention that she was starting treatment in a week....

I couldn't believe it.

It hit me in the stomach. I never would have guessed that this beautiful 21 year old girl that I had been spending the night with was suffering from a rare and deadly form of cancer.

I never would have guessed... because of how strong and positive she was. She did not want people to feel sorry for her, or to treat her different. She didn't want pity or tears. She wanted to be treated like nothing was wrong... Like her life wasn't in danger of ending.

Kristen had the most AMAZING attitude I had ever seen. Even though I only got to spend that one night with her... I can honestly say that one night changed my life.

Seeing her fight, be strong, and maintain that amazing perspective and attitude, even though she was going through something SO much harder then just "moving home" to Utah... was truly inspiring.

She taught me that no matter how hard, hopeless, alone, or devastating a situation is.... Your attitude about it matters more then anything else.

If you have hope. If you have love. If you have peace. If you have strenght.

NO situation can tear you off of your feet.

So thank you Kristen.  Thank you for coming into my life for that one night.... and showing me something that will change my life forever.

I am no longer going to sit here and dwell on wanting "what I used to have", I am going to go out there and change what I have at this very moment.

I am going to find a way to relate to everyone.

I am going to find someone to tell my stupid stories to.

I am going to start calling ANYONE and EVERYONE until I find something to do.

And most of all, I am not going to dwell in my own sorrows.

Thank you Kristen for teaching me to live my life as a little bit better of a person and giving me a broader perspective

You touched people in ways that you did not even know.

REST IN PEACE.