Comfortable.

Sanj has hit a major dilemma in life.

Yes. It feels like I have slammed face first into a brick wall, and I have no idea where to go from here.

I feel so lost in my direction when it comes to ONE situation. One situation that has taken quite a huge chunk of my life.... 6 years to be exact.

You see, I usually am the person who has it all figured out for myself. I know what I want to do, where I want to live... You name it, I generally have a plan for it, and a to do list written up on how Im gonna get it.

But there has always been one thing in life that I haven't figured out... Relationships.

I havent had the most experience dating. I guess you could say im a relationship girl, as in, I tend to get into relationships and they last 8 months, 4 months, and then 6 years.

Needless to say, somehow I always find myself tied down.

I cant say the last six years have been easy... theres been some hard moments, lessons learned, tears... midnight phone calls, "im sorry" flowers. You name it.

Lately I have come to a point where I dont know where to go. The texts books are true! Love changes... Butterflies die away, passion turns to comfort, and people start taking each other for granted.

I know I do.

This journey has been difficult. We both have grown, changed, learned.... However, I have come to the point where I miss those butterflies, that passion... and cherishing each moment.

It makes me sad to know I dont have that anymore... And it makes me question which direction I should take.

Is it ok to be 20 and be so comfortable?

I dont think so... I miss love. I miss feeling. I miss fighting. I miss caring.

But where do I go from here? This wall is just in my way and I have no idea how to avoid it.

Is it worth loosing someone who means so much to me, in order to feel something again?

Will I feel something again?

I miss him. I miss how I used to feel with him... Even the bad moments. At least I actually felt something.

Now he is so perfect, and everything is so easy... so comfortable. And thats all that it is.

I remember how much I felt each time he kissed me, called me, talked to me...

I dont want to take this time for granted. I dont want to miss out on love. But I dont want to give up on something that I put so much into.

So for once... I have no plan. No direction. And im scared... because I really dont know where this is going.

All I do know is that I want more.